I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was like eating out sand paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize