the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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