Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
