Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
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ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
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I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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