God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
