Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
