cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
