did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
