escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
