She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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