I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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