My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
