I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
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It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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