So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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