I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
