guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
