Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was born a porn star she said
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
