I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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