I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize