We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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