dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
