SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry about my life...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
