dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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