i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
