Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
