I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
