Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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