Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
