How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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