I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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