nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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