don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ttyl tear gas
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
