question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
