I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
