I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
