I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
