be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So much rum. So many feels.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
