I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
