All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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