put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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