i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
