I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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