return my video game
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
