I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
