Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i think i have two assholes
Do vagina's smell?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
