My brain says no but my pants say off.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
