I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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