we have officially lost it.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize