My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
