Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
