guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
