So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
