6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
