I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
