I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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