She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
