Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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