I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
