so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
