So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
