I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i think im in europe. pls send help
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
