I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
