He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Randomize
