Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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