omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
