Well douche your snatch and let's go!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
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Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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