And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
