girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
