onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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