i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
