I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
areolas are like halos for boobs.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
