I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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