she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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