my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
