on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
