My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
