wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
