just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
